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Be able to be alone. Lose not the advantage of solitude, and the society of thyself. Sir Thomas Browne BlondsBlonds Funny JokesBlonds Jokes | Home > Fun & Humor > Joke Subjects > Blonds
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Jokes Under Blonds
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports carand was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through herpurse and was getting progressively more agitated."What does it look like?" she finally asked.The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it tothe policewoman. "Here it is," she said.The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,"Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
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An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work onscaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! IfI get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jumpoff this building."The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, Burritos again! If I getburritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."The blond opened his lunch and said, Bologna again! If I get a bolognasandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef andcabbage, and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw aburrito, and jumped, too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bolognaand jumped to his death as well.At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd knownhow really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would havegiven it to him again!" The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I couldhave given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos somuch."Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said,"Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch."
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Why did the blonde return her new scarf?It was too tight.
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Why shouldn't blondes have coffee breaks?It takes too long to retrain them.
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Did you hear about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?She missed.
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What do you see when you look into a blondes eyes?The back of her head.
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Why did the blonde crash her plane when landing?Because the runway was only 25ft long, but a mile wide.
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Why did the blonde climb the glass wall?To see what was on the other side.
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Two blondes are passing by a fruit shop when the grocer calls to them, "Bananas! 50 cents each or three for a dollar!"The girls stop and look at each other. "Well I suppose we could always eat the third one!"
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An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess; the route they were flying had a stay-over in another city. Upon their arrival the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up, wondering what happened to her.She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room."You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a signon it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
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What's the difference between a blonde and a light bulb?Well, the light bulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on.
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What's the difference between Elvis and a smart blonde?Elvis has been sighted.
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Why did the blonde insist her partner use a condom?She wanted to save a dogie bag for later.
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What's the difference between a blonde and a shower?The shower has to be turned on before it gets wet.
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Buying A BullTwo sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need topurchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide tobuy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decidesshe does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599,no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send hersister a telegram to tell her the news.She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send atelegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch.I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out hereso we can haul it home."The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, thenadds, "It's just 99 cents a word."Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. Sherealizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you tosend her the word, 'comfortable.'"The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to knowthat you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and driveout here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word,'comfortable'?"The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde.""She'll read it very slow."
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A blonde named Mary decides to do something really wild. Something shehasn't done before, so she goes out to rent her first X-rated adultvideo.She goes to the video store, and after looking around for a while,selects a title that sounds very stimulating.She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable,and puts the tape in the VCR.To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so shecalls the video store to complain."I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tapebut static," she says."Sorry about that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Whichtitle did you rent?" the clerk replies."Head Cleaner," Mary replies.
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A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what herdad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait fora snow plow and follow it."Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. Shefollowed the plow for about forty five minutes. Finally the driver ofthe truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained thather dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow aplow.The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parkinglot, now you can follow me over to K-Mart."
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A blonde bought two horses, and could never remember which was which. A neighbor suggested that she cut the tail of one horse and that worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. It tore just right and looked exactly like the other horse's tail and our friend was stuck again. The neighbor suggested she notch the ear off one horse. That worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again our friend couldn't tell them apart. The neighbor suggested she measure the horses for height. When she did, she was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black.
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