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Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. Elbert Hubbard Business JokesBusiness Jokes Funny JokesBusiness Jokes Jokes | Home > Fun & Humor > Joke Subjects > Business Jokes
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|A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first. What does your mother do all day?" Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor." "That's wonderful. How about you, Amy?" Amy shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman." "Thank you, Amy" said the teacher. "What does your parent do, Billy?" Billy proudly stood up and announced, "Nothing. He's an economist."
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|Ten things to do with a graduate Economics textbook1. Press pretty flowers. 2. Press pretty insects. 3. Use it as paper weight on your already overcluttered desk. 4. Leave out in obvious places to impress uninformed undergraduates. 5. Mail to the White House as an intimidation tactic. 6. Give it a walk-on part in a boring European existentialist play. 7. Just throw the lousy thing away. 8. Leave out for the rain and other forces of nature to reckon with. 9. Read it, and weep. 10. Get a refund from bookstore so you can buy a weekend's beer supply.
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|There is also a joke about the last Mayday parade in the Soviet Union.After the tanks and the troops and the planes and the missiles rolled by there came ten men dressed in black. "Are they Spies?" Asked Gorby? "They are economists," replies the KGB director, "imagine the havoc they will wreak when we set them loose on the Americans"
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|Economic computer virusesINTEREST GROUP ECONOMIST VIRUS - Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer. ECONOMETRICIAN VIRUS - Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of POLITICAL THINK TANK ECONOMIST VIRUS - Doesn't do anything, but you can't get rid of it until next election. GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS - nothing works on your system, but all your diagnostic software says everything is just fine. MARXIAN ECONOMIST VIRUS - Helps your computer shut down whenever it wants to. SOVIET ECONOMIST VIRUS - Crashes your computer, but denies it ever happened. MAINSTREAM ECONOMIST VIRUS - It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases then in "self-defense." CENTRAL BANK ECONOMIST VIRUS - Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file. MULTINATIONAL CORPORATION ECONOMIST VIRUS - Deletes all monetary files, but keeps smiling and sending messages about how the economy is going to get better. SUPPLY SIDE ECONOMIST VIRUS - Puts your computer to sleep for four years. When your computer wakes up, you're trillion more dollars in debt. NEW ECONOMY VIRUS - Also known as the "Tricky Dick Virus." You can wipe it out, but it always makes a comeback. ENVIRONMENTAL ECONOMIST VIRUS - Before allowing you to delete any file, it first asks you if you've considered the alternatives
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|An econometrician and an astrologer are arguing about their subjects.The astrologer says, "Astrology is more scientific. My predictions come out right half the time. Yours can't even reach that proportion".The econometrician replies, "That's because of external shocks. Stars don't have those".
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|Dinosaur #1: "How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?" Dinosaur #2: "What is an economist?" Dinosaur #1: "A flunkie mathematician who tries to predict the population of kangaroos in Australia. But that's not important and don't ask what a Kangaroo is." Dinosaur #2: "I don't know, how many?" Dinosaur #1: "10 economists and one grad student. One economist to make a model, one to run the regression, one to test the hypothesis, one to interpret the results, one to conclude how to screw it on, one grad student to screw it on, and five economists trying to fight off the dinosaurs trying to eat them.
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|A woman hears from her doctor that she has only half a year to live.The doctor advises her to marry an economist and to live in South Dakota.The woman asks: will this cure my illness?The doctor replies: No, but the half year will seem pretty long.
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|"Two policemen are considering the problem of catching the bandit. One of them starts to calculate the optimal mixed strategy for the chase. The other policeman protests. 'While we're doodling,' he points out, 'he is making his getaway.' 'Relax,' says the game-theorist policeman. 'He's got to figure it out too, don't he?'"
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|Two government economists were returning home from a field meeting. As with all government travelers, they were assigned the cheapest seats on the plane so they each were occupying the center seat on opposite sides of the aisle.They continued their discussion of the knotty problem that had been the subject of their meeting through takeoff and meal service until finally one of the passengers in an aisle seat offered to trade places so they could talk and he could sleep.After switching seats, one economist remarked to the other that it was the first time an economic discussion ever kept anyone awake.
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|Bill and Boris are taking a break from a long summit. Boris says to Bill, "Bill, you know, I have a big problem. I don't know what to do about it. I have a hundred bodyguards and one of them is a traitor. I don't know which one.""Not a big deal Boris, I'm stuck with a hundred economists I have to listen to all the time before any policy decision, and only one tells the truth but it's never the same one."
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|Economics is ruining your life when...- I tried to calculate my 3 year old son's discount rate by seeing how many sweets he would require to be promised to him after dinner to be equivalent to one sweet before dinner - I spent one hour in a toy shop making up over 20 bundles of toys that could be purchased for $25 and then asked my son to select one of these bundles
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|Top economist Valentine's Day cards4. You raise my interest rate thirty basis points without a corresponding dropoff in consumer enthusiasm.3. Let's raise housing starts together.2. You stoke the animal spirits of my market.1. Despite your decade of inflation, I still love you.
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|A party of economists was climbing in the Alps . After several hours they became hopelessly lost. One of them studied the map for some time, turning it up and down, sighting on distant landmarks, consulting his compass, and finally the sun. Finally he said, ' OK see that big mountain over there?' 'Yes', answered the others eagerly. 'Well, according to the map, we're standing on top of it.'
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|If you do some acrobatics with a little mathematics it will take you far along. If your idea's not defensible don't make it comprehensible or folks will find you out, and your work will draw attention if you only fail to mention what the whole thing is about. Your must talk of GNP and of elasticity of rates of substitution and undeterminate solution and oligonopopsony.
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|The following is supposedly a true story.An economist was about to give a presentation in Washington, DC on the problems with Black-Scholes model of option pricing and was expecting no more than a dozen of government officials attending.To his amazement, when he arrived, the room was packed with edgy, tough-looking guys in shades. Still, after five or so minutes into the presentation all of them stood up and left without a word.The economist found out only later that his secretary ran the presentation through a spell-checker and what was "The Problem with Black-Scholes" became "The Problem with Black Schools".
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|An economist is a trained professional paid to guess wrong about the economy. An econometrician is a trained professional paid to use computers to guess wrong about the economy.Talk is cheap. Supply exceeds Demand. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Bentley's second Law of Economics: The only thing more dangerous than an economist is an amateur economist! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Berta's Fundamental Law of Economic Rents.. "The only thing more dangerous than an amateur economist is a professional economist." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Definition: Policy Analyst is someone unethical enough to be a lawyer, impractical enough to be a theologian, and pedantic enough to be an economist. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Three econometricians went out hunting, and came across a large deer. The first econometrician fired, but missed, by a meter to the left. The second econometrician fired, but also missed, by a meter to the right. The third econometrician didn't fire, but shouted in triumph, "We got it! We got it!" --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How has French revolution affected world economic growth?A: Too early to say.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: What do economists and computers have in common?A: You need to punch information into both of them.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: Why does Treasury only have 10 minutes for morning tea?A: If they had any longer, they would need to re-train all the economists.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: Did you hear of the economist who dove into his swimming pool and broke his neck? A: He forgot to seasonally adjust his pool. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------NATURAL RATE OF UNEMPLOYMENT: Newlan's Truism: An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: Why did the market economist cross the road? A: To reach the consensus forecast. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: What does an economist use when calculating constant-dollar estimates? A: Deflator mouse --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How many Chicago School economists does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. If the light bulb needed changing the market would have already done it. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How many mainstream economists does it take to change a light bulb? A: Two. One to assume the existence of ladder and one to change the bulb. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How many neo-classical economists does it take to change a light bulb? A: It depends on the wage rate. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How many conservative economists does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How many B-school doctoral students does it take to change a light bulb? A: I'm writing my dissertation on that topic; I should have an answer for you in about five years.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How many investors does it take to change a light bulb? A: None - the market has already discounted the change. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How many Keynesian economists does it takes to change a light bulb? A: All. Because then you will generate employment, more consumption, dislocating the aggregate demand to the right.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How many marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: None - the bulb contains within it the seeds of its own revolution. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------When drawing up the guest list for a dinner party, inviting more than 25% economists ruins the conversation. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Economics is the painful elaboration of the obvious.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb? A: Seven plus or minus ten.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb? A: Irrelevant - the light bulb's preferences are to be taken as given. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: What's the difference between an economist and a befuddled old man with Alzheimer's? A: The economist is the one with the calculator. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: What's the difference between economists and businessmen?A: The first don't keep their feet on the ground; the latest use to keep their four feet in the ground --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Given 1000 economists, there will be 10 theoretical economists with different theories on how to change the light bulb and 990 empirical economists laboring to determine which theory is the *correct* one, and everyone will still be in the dark.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: Why did God create economists?A: In order to make weather forecasters look good.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: What does an economist do?A: A lot in the short run, which amounts to nothing in the long run.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Two economists meet on the street.One inquires, "How's your wife?"The other responds, "Relative to what?"--------------------------------------------------------------------------------To an economist, real life is a special case.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How many economists does it take to change a lightbulb?A: Eight. One to screw it in and seven to hold everything else constant.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Economists have forecasted nine out of the last five recessions.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------When an economist says the evidence is "mixed," he or she means that theory says one thing and data says the opposite.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Econometrics is the art of drawing a crooked line from an unproved assumption to a foregone conclusion." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: Why has astrology been invented?A: So that economy could be an accurate science.
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|Top reasons to study Economics1. Economists are armed and dangerous: "Watch out for our invisible hands." 2. Economists can supply it on demand. 3. You can talk about money without every having to make any. 4. Mick Jagger and Arnold Schwarzenegger both studied economics and look how they turned out. 5. When you are in the unemployment line, at least you will know why you are there. 6. If you rearrange the letters in "ECONOMICS", you get "COMIC NOSE". 7. Although ethics teaches that virtue is its own reward, in economics we get taught that reward is its own virtue. 8. When you get drunk, you can tell everyone that you are just researching the law of diminishing marginal utility. 9. When you call 1-900-LUV-ECON and get Kandi Keynes, you will have something to talk about.
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|A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant.His friend asks, "Didn't your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?"The businessman replies, "That's the accountant we're looking for."
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