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Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. Elbert Hubbard MedicineMedicine Funny JokesMedicine Jokes | Home > Fun & Humor > Joke Subjects > Medicine
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Jokes Under Medicine
Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what i just said.When did you first notice this problem?What problem?
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This male prostitute contracted leprosy.He did okay for a while, but then his business dropped off.
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Fred DingalingA local law enforcement officer stops a car for traveling faster thanthe posted speed limit. Since he's in a good mood that day he decides to give the poor fellow a break and write him out a warning instead ofa ticket. So, he asks the man his name."Fred," he replies."Fred what?" the officer asks."Just Fred," the man responds.When the officer presses him for a last name, the man tells him that heused to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks he has a nutcase on his hands but plays along with it. "Tell me Fred, how did you lose your last name?"The man replies, "It's a long story so stay with me. I was born FredDingaling. I know, funny last name. The kids used to tease me all thetime. So I stayed to myself. I studied hard and got good grades. When Igot older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went throughcollege, medical school, internship, residency, finally got my degree so I was Fred Dingaling, MD."After a while I got bored being a doctor so I decided to go back toschool. Dentistry was my dream. Got all the way through school, got mydegree so I was now Fred Dingaling MD DDS. Got bored doing dentistry soI started fooling around with my assistant. She gave me VD. So, I wasFred Dingaling MD DDS with VD."Well, the ADA found out about the VD so they took away my DDS so I wasFred Dingaling MD with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA takingaway my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me asFred Dingaling with VD."Then the VD took away my dingaling so now I'm just Fred."The officer let him go without even a warning.
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"How did it happen?" the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man's broken leg."Well, doc, 25 years ago...""Never mind the past! Tell me how you broke your leg this morning.""Like I was saying... 25 years ago, when I first started working on thefarm, that night, right after I'd gone to bed, the farmer's beautifuldaughter came into my room. She asked me if there was anything Iwanted.I said, "No, everything is fine.""Are you sure?" she asked."I'm sure," I said."Isn't there anything I can do for you???" she wanted to know."I reckon not," I replied."Excuse me," said the doctor, "What the hell does this story have to dowith your broken leg?!?!?""Well, this morning," the farmhand explained, "when it dawned on me what she meant, I fell off the roof!"
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Old Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation."It's terrible," she said, "I haven't moved my bowels in a week.""I see. Have you done anything about it?" asked the doctor."Naturally," she replied, "I sit in the bathroom for a half- hourin the morning and again at night.""No," the doctor said, "I mean do you take anything?""Naturally," she answered, "I take a book."
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This male prostitute contracted syphilis.He did okay for a while, but then his business dropped off.
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An extremely drunk man looking for a whorehouse stumblesinto a Podiatrist's office instead and weaves over to thereceptionist.Without looking up, she waves him over to the examinationbed and says, "Stick it through that curtain."Looking forward to something kinky, the drunk pulls out hispenis and sticks it through the crack in the curtains."That's not a foot!" screams the nurse on duty."Holy shit, lady!" the drunk exclaims, "I never knew you hada minimum!"
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What do you do if someone's having a seizure in a bathtub?Throw in a load of laundry.
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What should you give a man who has everything? Penicillin
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A certain college professor was notorious for getting off the topic ofthe lecture, and on to his favorite subject: the evils of marijuana.Off he went one day into his inventory of horrors, "Used regularly," he explained, "pot can cause psychic disorientation, sterility, cancer and castration!""Now wait a minute, professor," interrupted a student. "Castration?That's absurd!""Yes young man, it's sadly true," replied the professor smugly. "Just suppose your girlfriend gets the munchies!"
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A doctor walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to 'write' with it.Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, "Well that's great, just great... some asshole's got my pen."
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A man phones a mental hospital and asks the receptionist ifthere is anybody in room 27. She goes and checks, and comesback to the phone, telling him No, the room is empty. "Good," says the man. "That means I must have really escaped."
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John and David were both patients in a Mental hospital. One day, John suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool. David jumped inand saved him, and the medical director came to know of his heroic act.He immediately order David to be discharged from the mental hospital ashe is OK.Doctor: We have good news and bad news for you, David. The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses, since you are able to jump in and save another patient you are now a normal person. The bad news is that, the patient Mr. John, whom you have saved, hung himself in the toilet, and died.David: Doctor, he didn't hang himself. I hung him there to dry
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The doctor looked at the woman who had come to him for an examination. "Mrs. Brown, I have some good news for you." The woman said, "I'm glad to hear that doctor, but I'm Miss Brown, not Mrs." "Oh. Well, in that case Miss Brown," said the doctor without changing expression, "I have some bad news for you."
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A dentist is talking to his patient about the sanitary problems some of his fellow dentists were facing. He said that one of his friends was touring a latex glove factory in Mexico, and saw how they make the gloves. One person would stick his hand in the melted latex, walk over to a vat of cooling water, then dip his hand in it to solidify the latex. The glove was then thrown in a finished products box. The dentist's patient was disgusted by the lack of care taken in making the gloves sanitary. Wanting to keep all the patients he could, the dentist didn't mention how they made condoms.
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A woman goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doctor, you've got todo something about my husband -- he thinks he's a refrigerator!" "I wouldn't worry too much about it," the doctor replies."Lots of people have harmless delusions. It will pass." "But you don't understand," the woman insists. "He sleepswith his mouth open, and the little light keeps me awake."
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What's the definition of bravery?A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!
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A man is in a hospital bed completly wrapped up in a body cast.One of the nurses gave him a rectal thermometer and said,"Don't move -- I'll be right back."When she returned the thermometer was in his mouth. She asked in amazement, "How did you get that in your mouth, you can't even move?""I hiccupped."
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