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Be able to be alone. Lose not the advantage of solitude, and the society of thyself. Sir Thomas Browne SexSex Funny JokesSex Jokes | Home > Fun & Humor > Joke Subjects > Sex
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Jokes Under Sex
An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like ayoung girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man andasks how old he is. "I'm 90 years old," he says."90!" replies the woman. "Don't you realize you've had it?""Oh, sorry," says the old man, "how much do I owe you?"
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A question for Bill Clinton:"What was Miss Lewinsky's most memorable feature?""She has the whitest teeth I've ever come across"
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What's the similarity between Bill Clinton and a carpenter?One screw in the wrong place and the whole cabinet falls apart.
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A guy says, "I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women.""Yeah what happened?" asked his friend.The first guy replies, "Well, er, I got my penis stuck in the neck of the bottle."
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What's the purpose of a bellybutton?To put your gum in on the way down.
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Two prostitutes, after Christmas holidays:- What did you ask Santa Claus to give you?- Hundred dollars, as usual.
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What do Viagra And Disney Land have in common?They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two minute ride!
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Definition of bad lover:An earthquake occurs during sex. Afterwards he asks the woman if she felt the earth move. She says no.
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A doctor's advice to young bride regarding the use of the diaphragm: "Use it on every conceivable occasion."
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There's an elderly man and woman sitting in the sunroom of a retirement home. The old man says to the woman, "For five dollars, I'll have sex with you on that rocking chair over there. For ten dollars, I'll have sex with you on that couch. But for twenty dollars, I'll take you to my room, light a few candles and give you a romantic evening of passion you'll never forget."The woman considers it a moment and then, after fishing through her purse, produces a twenty dollar bill. The man says, "So, you want the romantic night in my room, eh?" The woman replies, "No, I want four times in the rocker."
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Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?" "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex." "Social Security sex?" "Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"
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You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. Iget wet before you do. What am I?A Tent
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What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot ofheat and excitement?Firetruck
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One Friday afternoon, two secretaries were hanging around the watercooler at the office. "Veronica, I just don't know what to do," Gloria said to her friend at work. "That good-looking Alex in accounting asked me out on a date for Saturday night. Should I go?""Oh, my God!" her friend exclaimed. "He'll wine you, dine you, and thenuse any ruse to get you up to his apartment. Then he'll rip off yourdress and you'll have fantastic s*x!""What should I do?" asked Gloria.Her friend quickly replied, "Wear an old dress."
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Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F and Gare the letters used to define bra sizes?If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out whatthe letters stood for... It is about time you became informed!{A} - Almost Boobs...{B} - Barely there.{C} - Can't Complain!{D} - Damn!{DD} - Double damn!{E} - Enormous!{G} - GEEEEzus Christ!{F} - Fake.
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A woman asks her husband if he'd like some breakfast. "Would you like bacon and eggs, perhaps? A slice of toast? Grapefruit and coffee to follow?" she asks. He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It'sreally taken the edge off my appetite." At lunchtime, she asks if he would like something. "A bowl of home- made soup, home-made muffins or a cheese sandwich?" she inquires. He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite." Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. She'll go to the store and buy him some food. "Would you like maybe a steak and apple pie? Maybe you'd like a pizza micro waved or a tasty stir-fry? That would only take a couple of minutes." He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite." "Well," she says, "would you mind letting me up, then? I'm starving!"
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Through the kitchen window a farmer's wife sees herson coming home from school. The boy's in a bad mood,and as he crosses the field he kicks a pig. He walks alittle further and kicks a cow. Once inside, hismother says, "I saw what you did, young man! Forkicking the pig you'll get no bacon for a week, andfor kicking the cow, no milk for a week."Just at that moment, the boy's father walks throughthe door and boots the cat halfway across the room.The boy looks at his mother and says, "Do you wannatell him, or should I ?"
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After a wonderful night of love making, the young guy rolled over and was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on a desk in the distance. Naturally, the guy began to worry."Is that your husband?" he inquired nervously."No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him."Your boyfriend then?" he asked."No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear."Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.Calmly, she answered, "That's me before the surgery."
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